I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize