How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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