I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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