yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
