dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
