Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
