I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
