singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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