Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
