Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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