dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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