Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
