The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
