You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
