that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
