But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
