Small penises have feelings too.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
