First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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