I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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