Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
