I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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