What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
