Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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