Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
