Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
