a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
