I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
