I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
