I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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