i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
