She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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