He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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