I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
