somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
