so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize