I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
