My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
