he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
