One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
