I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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