i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
honey bunches of taint.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
