Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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