This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
