Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
