I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ruined the universe
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
