watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
