Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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