I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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