I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
