Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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