Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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