you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize