roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need water and some morals
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
