I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
