I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
