I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
