god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
