I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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