i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Boobs speak an international language.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize