WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
