Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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