Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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