Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
