So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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