I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
