I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize