2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
