been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
