i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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