Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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