I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize