she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
